Eureka!

He gets it! He gets it! He gets it!

We have a saying in our house that I've heard other moms use as well. It is:

You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.

Sounds reasonable, right? Not to a five year old who wants what he wants or, darn it, he will throw a fit. We've drilled this saying into Noah dozens and dozens of times, but it always seemed to go in one ear and out the other. Actually, most of the time, it probably never even made it to the ear, with all the fit throwing and such. No sound had any hope of penetrating that amount of wailing. Heaven help us!

Well, heaven did help us. It seems our efforts have not been in vain. It seems that consistency does pay off, eventually. There is hope! Let me tell you what happened.

Last night I fixed chicken salad sandwiches for dinner. I got the table all set and sent the kids into the kitchen to eat their lovingly prepared meal. Noah took one look at what was awaiting him and began hyperventilating, yelling between breaths, "No! No! No!" You'd think by his reaction I'd given him an Earth worm sandwich or something (some of you may know that recently Noah did try a worm- he licked it. Yet, he won't eat my cooking?).

Remembering my goal to be more Christlike, I calmly said, "Noah, you can either stop throwing a fit or you can sit down and eat."

The fit escalates.

"Okay, you can go to your room while we eat," I say, still relatively calmly.

Fit escalates even more.

"Noah, you chose to go to your room when you continued throwing a fit. Now go to your room," still surprisingly calm.

His fit nears Mom's breaking point, and he has yet to go to his room.

"Go to your room!" I add in a fake sweet voice, "Bye!" Noah finally relents, just in time I might add. Mom wouldn't have been able to take much more.

Clara and I sat down to eat while Noah continued his fit in his room, where he stayed until he was calmed down. He was not invited back to the dinner table.

After another tantrum during a game of Hide-and-Seek, which we will not get into, it was time to get ready for bed.

"I don't want to go to bed!"

By this point, I'm trying to tune him out as best as possible. Somehow (thank you Heavenly Father), I've stilled maintained a great deal of patience.

His protests of not wanting to go to bed continue, and I continue ignoring them. Then his stomach reminds him of it's empty state, and he starts bawling, "I need to eat! I'm hungry! I need to eat!"

I remind him of his earlier choice, "You chose not to eat when you threw a fit about what I fixed."

Saying this was not exactly helpful in the hopes of terminating his fit, so I give him another choice (thank you Love and Logic):

"You can either stop throwing a fit or you can go to bed right now, without any stories."

Can you guess what happened? You're right. He didn't stop, so I helped him finish getting his jammies on and escorted him to his bed, kissed him "Goodnight", turned off the light, and shut the door. He was asleep in five minutes.

After such an experience it can be easy to wonder if you're teaching them anything. Fortunately, I felt very proud of myself for maintaining my self-control and disciplining him with love.

This morning Noah woke up very hungry, but I still had my doubts of whether he would be affected in the long term by this experience. He's gone to bed without food before, but it didn't really change anything.

Now lets go to tonight's dinner. I decided to try making a gluten free boxed dinner I bought a few weeks ago for Clara. I knew Noah probably wouldn't eat it, but I was willing to take the chance. He saw me fixing dinner and asked, "What's that?" I told him it was tuna fish. Then I added more ingredients: water, milk, butter, a packaged sauce, and some corn pasta. Noah watched, and I fully expected to hear something like, "I don't want to eat" or "I'm not hungry." But nope. That's not what I heard.

He saw the picture of what I was fixing and asked if that's what the food I'd just mixed together was going to look like. I said it was, and he was very interested and said it looked good.

I thought, Okay. This is a little weird. Good. But weird.

As I continued cooking he continued to be very excited about eating it. The best was when he said, "I'm not going to throw a fit."

I said, "That great! You must be a grown up boy!" He smiled proudly.

He also helped me set the table.

When our gluten free tuna pasta and some cauliflower I'd also fixed was done, we sat down as a family to eat. Now the moment of truth. Would he really eat it? Or would he throw another fit?

He took a minuscule bite, and exclaimed, "This is really good! Mmmm!"

He continued eating, taking pea-size bites and continuing with the positive reinforcement. It was almost like he was giving himself a pep talk with each bite.

He even tried a little piece of cauliflower, and when I said it was my favorite vegetable, he said, "Mine too." And when Clara showed signs of not wanting to eat her food, he said to her, "Clara, 'we get what we get and we don't throw a fit.'" Wow, I thought. Did he really just say that?

You can imagine the happiness I felt as I watched all this unfold. I was so proud of my little guy for acting so grown up and learning an important lesson. He was so proud of himself too and wanted to call Daddy at work and tell him how he "didn't throw a fit" when he "got what he got."

I think I really needed this little glimmer of hope. I've been thinking a lot lately about this scripture:

"...be not weary in well doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great." -D&C 64:33

Well, I have been feeling weary! I've tried not to, but sometimes it just can't be avoided. I've felt like despite all my efforts, I'm not making a dent. The Lord knew how I was feeling, so He granted me this experience to show me that I am making more than a dent. Not just counting this story I just shared, Noah was good as gold today. There were moments, of course, but for the most part, he was such a sweet boy today, and I needed that desperately. I needed to know that I am doing good things with him, even though it's sometimes hard to see. I can't give up when things get hard. I have no doubt that his fit-throwing days are not numbered, but if I just keep at it, great things will happen- just like today.

Understanding

Reasons why Noah acts out, whines, disobeys, or back talks (or in other words, drives me crazy):

1. He's hungry
2. He's tired
3. He's overstimulated
4. He's been ignored most of the day (cry for attention)
5. I haven't shown a lot of love (little things like smiles, a kind touch, kind words, etc.)
6. I'm ornery
7. He doesn't feel well
8. I get mad at each offense, which only fans the flame

I wanted to make this list because I think I've been losing sight of the reasons behind his outbursts. I've been more focused on how annoying they are and how they're driving me bananas, which means I've been thinking all about Me! Me! Me! I think I need to focus more on him and why he's upset and what I need to do to help him be happier. Sometimes that means he'll need some good discipline, but discipline is almost 100% more affective when done with love. Lets just say I haven't felt a whole lot of love when I've disciplined him the last few days.

This morning, for instance, he was sooooo grumpy and whiny that I finally lost it. As I was cooling off in my room, I realized he hadn't had any breakfast. I'd forgotten to feed him (I know, you all wish you were as good a mom as me)! So, he's eating now and probably feels a lot better and hopefully will be much happier and agreeable. If I had stopped and tried to understand him, I wouldn't have lost my temper nor harbored ill feelings about him. He was hungry, so of course he would have been grumpy- I would have too!

My thoughts are taking me again to some things I've been mulling over the last few weeks. I'm reminded of Elder Wirthlin's words:

“But,” you ask, “what if people are rude?” Love them. “If they are obnoxious?” Love them. “But what if they offend? Surely I must do something then?” Love them. “Wayward?” The answer is the same. Be kind. Love them. Why? In the scriptures Jude taught, “And of some have compassion, making a difference.” Who can tell what far-reaching impact we can have if we are only kind?

I have to admit that when Noah has been getting under my skin, it's a lot harder to show love toward him, but I know if I do the reward will be all the greater. If I just try to understand him, have charity toward him, those moments when there is the potential for him to drive me bananas and make me lose my temper will be driven away. In place of those ill feelings will be love, compassion, and peace.

FHE Lesson

During fast & testimony meeting yesterday I could see by the look on Noah's face that he was a little confused why so many people were just getting up and talking. I quickly explained they were bearing their testimonies, and mostly out of curiosity as to what he'd say, I asked him if he'd like to bear his testimony. To my surprise he said yes. This from the kid who won't even stand up with the primary to sing in sacrament meeting. Luckily we had a few minutes to wait while other people bore their testimonies, so I explained things we talk about in a testimony. I hoped by doing this we could avoid an embarrassing situation by him talking into the microphone about a bug he killed or something.

When it was finally our turn to go up and we made it all the way to the stand, he got cold feet. Surprise, surprise. At least it forced me to share my testimony, which is always a good thing. On our way back to our seat, he had decided he DID want to do it, but I wasn't going back up just so he could change his mind again. I told him he'd have another chance to do it when we have another one of these special meetings.

The reason I share this little experience is because it was my inspiration for our FHE lesson tonight. Can you guess what it was on? Yep. Testimonies. Here's what we did:

• Started with a prayer, of course, but we forgot a hymn (it was planned last minute)
• I reminded Noah about church yesterday and how people were getting up to bear their testimonies.
• Dad told us what a testimony is: the witness you have that something is true
• The Holy Ghost whispers to our hearts if something is true. (By the way, kudos to his primary teachers! He knew that the Holy Ghost doesn't have a body. I'm pretty sure I've never taught him that, although I really shouldn't admit it.)
• Read the following the scriptures: Ether 4:11 & Moroni 10:4-5
• Asked Noah "What are some things we bear our testimonies about?" Then I told him: Jesus, the atonement, Joseph Smith, Pres. Monson, etc.
• Then we had our own little family testimony meeting. I started, then Dad, and Noah ended it. Noah didn't really know what he was doing, but he had the right idea.
• The Spirit was so strong, and we made sure to point out to Noah the feeling he felt was the Holy Ghost telling him the things we said were true.
• ended with a prayer

It was a very nice FHE. It was very short (that's always best with little kids), but the sweetest Spirit filled our home. I know Noah could feel it because of the how reverent he was as we all bore our testimonies. I think it was one of the nicest FHEs we've ever had.

Tip #1: One thing I've learned when teaching young kids is less is more. I try not to get too wordy or his attention will be out the window.

Tip #2: When reading scriptures, don't just read it and be done. Explain what words mean as you read. For instance, the scripture in Moroni says to "ask God." I asked Noah what that means, then explained that it means to pray.

Feel free to add your own suggestions to this little FHE Lesson.

FHE: Work

We had a fun FHE lesson this last week on Work, and I thought I'd post about. First of all, the reason I chose this as the topic was I have been struggling getting Noah to do his jobs everyday. They're not big jobs in the slightest, but I might as well have been asking him to eat slugs. He acted absolutely tortured, as I'm sure most kids do when their parents make them do jobs. So, I wanted to use FHE as an opportunity to teach him why we work and why it's so important.

I didn't have any fabulous ideas for a lesson, so I checked out a good resource for FHE lessons: LDS Splash! to see if they had anything, and they did! They had two versions: one for younger kids and another for teens. The main part of the lesson was teaching the hymn "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel," and it had fun visual aids to help kids learn the song. Click here so you can see the full lesson and print out the visual aids. I made the lesson to fit our family, as I'm sure you would too. Here's what I did:

Opening song: "When we're helping we're happy"
Prayer:------

What is work? Dad and I talked to Noah about work. We asked questions like, Does Daddy work? What does he do? Does he work hard? Why does he work? (at the end of the discussion I had him tell Daddy "Thank you" for working so hard). We asked the same questions about me. Then we talked about when Noah works by obeying Mom and Dad, helping them, etc.

Why do we work? We talked about how Heavenly Father has commanded us to work, and that when we work we feel good, especially when our work blesses others.

We all have work. We talked about how we all have work to do, and that it is important for each of us to do our work. If one of us doesn't do our work it affects everyone else. For example, if Noah doesn't do his jobs and help Mommy, then Mommy has to do it on top of everything else she does, so she'll get very tired. This idea seemed to turn a light bulb on in his head.

Song: "Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel"
This was really fun. Noah participated better than I thought he would. I think he liked the pictures provided on LDS Splash!

Noah's Job Chart
In preparation for the lesson, I made a very simple job chart for Noah. It's basically a calendar with empty squares. Every day that he does his jobs, he gets a sticker and a fish point (something I'll explain later). At the end of the week, if he's done his jobs everyday, he'll get a quarter for his money jar.

Activity: Noah's Jobs
Noah has 5 jobs everyday: Put dishes in the sink after meals, brush teeth, make bed, get dressed, and help Mom. They're pretty basic, but he still feels like he's accomplishing something when he does them. He knows that's what his jobs are already, but I wanted to get them more ingrained in his head. *To reinforce them, I did some Google searches on coloring pages for each of the jobs. I was able to find something for all of them. So, for our activity Noah colored each of the coloring pages that went along with his jobs. Not only did he have fun, but I think it helped him really understand what his daily responsibilities are.

Prayer:------

Treat: ice cream (of course!)


Every time I have FHE (we're still not as consistent as I'd like, but we're working on it!) I am amazed at the almost immediate difference it makes. So far, Noah really seems to enjoy FHE, and he participates very well. I can see that he's learning things and is excited about learning. He seems excited to practice the things he has just been taught. For example, this weekend we spent the night at my parent's house. Noah was so excited to get to help Grandpa work in the yard pulling weeds. He felt so proud of himself for "working" so hard (I put that in quotations because, as you can imagine, his version of work is a lot different than ours, but in his mind he was working and that's what counts). I'm so glad he could feel the sense of accomplishment from working hard, and I'm grateful that our words aren't going in one ear and out the other. Our efforts aren't for nothing. Even when we think he hasn't heard a word we've said, he always surprises us. He's learning from us all the time, which is not always a good thing. Some things he's learned from me I wish he hadn't. Anyway, I'm rambling. I just wanted to say how much I am seeing that FHE truly is an inspired thing and that our families will be blessed if we strive to have them each week. Okay, my soap box is done.

*I found a cute coloring pages website. It's called funny coloring. There are oodles of other websites with cute free coloring pages, and they're not hard to find. Just type in what you're looking for and I can almost guarantee you'll find something. Do any of you have a favorite website with coloring pages?

Also, is there anything you would add to this FHE lesson? Let me know. Thanks!

My Jesus Book

There are some nice religious children's books about Jesus, but I haven't seen one that I absolutely love. So, I decided to make my own. I bought the mini pictures at Deseret Book, took them home and wrote a simple book about His life and what His life means to us. When it was done I had it laminated and spiral bound so it would last a long time. It's really simple, but that's what I wanted.

Here are some of the pages and what they say (sorry the pictures aren't very good):

"Jesus once was a little child like me."

"Mary is his mother.

God is his father."

"Jesus loves little children."

"He loves me."
"Jesus suffered and died for us because he loves us."

"Jesus lives! He was resurrected that we might live again too."

"Jesus gave us temples.

Inside temples we make promises to Him, and he blesses us."

"Because of Jesus I can live with my family forever."

"Someday Jesus will come again!"

"I love Jesus. And I know He loves me."

I didn't make this right before Easter on purpose. It just worked out that way, but it was great timing. I read this to my kids for our Easter FHE. They loved it, and I think it's going to be a great book for sacrament meeting.

It was fun making it and really easy too. Try one of your own.

Preparing Our Children for General Conference

It's General Conference time! Yay! It's so wonderful that we have this opportunity to be spiritually fed by our leaders, but how in the heck do we teach our little ones to sit still and listen? I always look forward to general conference, but I also dread it a little just thinking of how I'm going to keep my crazy four year old entertained through it all. I don't have the magic solution, but here are some ideas that hopefully you'll find helpful.

1. Have a bowl of yummy treats you don't usually keep in the house (like mini candy bars). You get to eat a treat after every talk you/your child listens to without falling asleep or being irreverent. This one's great for adults too! I know I'm looking forward to some chocolate!
2. Print off some LDS coloring pages for your little ones to color. Here's a link that will take you to the church's free coloring pages.
3. I found a cool blog called LDS Coloring Pages. One of the posts had some fun conference activities.
4. Make some fun family traditions that help make general conference something to look forward for the kids. My family used to have a big breakfast of Swedish pancakes on the Sunday morning of conference. We only had them twice a year, so it made conference really fun and exciting. I'm going to start that with my little family this year.
5. For FHE teach your kids about the Prophet and Apostles. Click here for the lesson on prophets in the nursery manual. Teach them "Follow the Prophet" from the primary songbook. If you had your FHE lesson on something else this week, just have another one. There's no rule that says you can only have one family night a week.
6. There was an article in March's Ensign on preparing children for general conference. Some of the ideas included: having older kids write what they learn in a journal, talk to your kids every day about how exciting it will be to hear the prophet, complete chores the Friday before, look for conference games and activities in the Friend, and more. Click on the link for the full article.

My final tip is to remember that the best way for kids to learn the importance of General Conference is through your example. You don't have to feel ike you have to prepare a million activities, so don't get too overwhelmed. If they see it's important to you than it will be important to them. I know this from my own experience. My parents didn't really do much. Aside from the Swedish pancake thing, the only other thing they did was turn conference on every T.V. and radio in the house, so you could here conference from almost every room in the house. We knew we couldn't play with friends. We knew it was important. I remember one conference when I was very little, probably four or five. I was playing with a toy, and my mother asked me stop playing for a minute because the prophet, President Benson then, was speaking. I remember thinking that he must be important for me to have to stop playing with my toy. I think that's when my testimony of the prophets began to grow, and it was because my mother's example.

Please share any other tips for preparing our kids for general conference, and I hope you all have a wonderful conference weekend.

Lighten Up: A Little Inspiration

I wanted to share a little inspiration with you that I received the other night.

I was reading my scriptures and came to a scripture in 2 Samuel 23:3-4:

"...He that ruleth over men must be just, ruling in the fear of God.

"And he shall be as the light of the morning, when the sun riseth, even a morning without clouds; as the tender grass springing out of the earth by clear shining after rain."

Isn't that beautiful? The poetic lines could only have been written by the psalmist, David. I just love the beautiful symbolism in the words.

At first reading, I thought of "He that ruleth over men" to be some sort of government leader. But the Spirit gave me a little nudge, and I realized that I am a ruler over men. I'm a ruler over my children, just like all you mothers out there, and these verses, verse four in particular, are beautiful instructions on what kind of mothers we are to be.

I just love the first line in verse four, "And he shall be as the light of the morning, when the sun riseth, even a morning without clouds." First of all, the Savior is often compared with the Sun. Just as the sun's light covers the whole Earth, so does His light and goodness. We should be like Him- how would he parent our children? How would He react when your kids don't listen to you or when they flush a toy down the toilet? Also, when I think of the first light of day, I think of words like hopeful, optimistic, happy, joyful, positive, nurturing. I also think of a line from Anne of Green Gables: Tomorrow is always fresh- you've no mistakes in it.

As mothers, if we start each day with a fresh outlook, being hopeful and positive about what's ahead of us, nurturing our children with the light that is within us, being cheerful and helping our children feel the joy in life- if we do those things, then even if the day is not cloudless, our homes will be bright and beautiful because of the light that is radiating from us.

These are all things that I need to work on, which is why I was lead to this scripture. It's not easy to be cheerful and positive all the time. I don't think anyone feels that way all the time. But I do know that with some help from the Savior we can overcome any dark, negative feelings we may have and feel His light warm and uplift our souls.

Morning Devotionals

Sorry for the long absence. My Internet hasn't worked very well, but I'm back and hopefully for awhile.

A couple of weeks ago I started having a morning devotional with my kids. We sing a song, read a scripture and thought from President Hinckley's book "Stand a Little Taller," and kneel down to pray. Then I give them a big hug and kiss. I want to do it every morning, but we've averaged about 4 times a week. I figure that's better than nothing.

I've really enjoyed it. At first N didn't want to be a part of it and was upset with me for making him sit for 5 minutes. But after only a couple of times he started to accept it as a way to start the day. It's turned into a great way for him to practice being reverent. Before we start each devotional I remind him how to sit reverently- on your bum (he tends to want to lay down or sit and stand constantly), quiet and listening with eyes and ears. He's already improved so much, and if I keep it up it will help him be better at church. I'm also using it to teach C how to sit on my lap without toys. She is still young, but I think she's old enough to learn to sit for at least 5-10 minutes at a time.

I've also really enjoyed our devotionals because it's made our days start on such a good note, and I think that's one reason N's more cooperative- he can feel the Spirit and it feels good. Even though it's only a few short minutes, it makes a big difference, and I love the opportunity to teach him the gospel. After I read the scripture and quote I briefly explain in words he understands what it's talking about. One day the topic was missionaries, and we had a very pleasant conversation about missionaries, missionary work, and how someday N will go on a mission like Daddy. Then we sang "I Hope They Call Me On a Mission." N seemed really excited, and I'm so glad we could have that talk. I know these devotionals will open a lot more conversations like that.

To get N involved in the devotional I usually ask him to choose the song we sing or I'll have him say the prayer. One day he wanted to read the scripture, so he got his paperback copy of the Book of Mormon and began "reading" from it. It was so cute! He just made up stuff about God and Jesus, most of which I couldn't understand. Then he wanted me to take a turn reading from my scriptures, which I did, except I really read them. We kept taking turns reading, and it was so fun. I loved it!

Another reason I like these devotionals is because they're not hard at all. They have required no preparation. They're easy and give me a great opportunity to teach my kids.

Have any of you done something similar? Have anything to add? I always want to hear!